I went back to work (from home) two weeks ago following a three month layoff, and I knew that I wanted to do something for myself this weekend, having it entirely to myself. I knew if I didn't come up with something, I'd probably waste the whole time in my house consuming various forms of media. As the end of the workday neared on Friday, I started scouring the internet for things to do within driving distance. I'd always wanted to try kayaking. I spent quite a bit of time in canoes throughout my 8 summers at camp, but I have only been in a kayak once or twice, and only on a still lake, never a river with current. It turns out that at Starved Rock State Park, you can go on a kayak tour on the Illinois River. This sounded great to me, so I looked at the schedule.
The Saturday tours were all booked, but I could get into either the 9am or 3pm tours on Sunday. The weather looked pretty good, but knowing Illinois, I decided I'd wait until Saturday morning to see if the forecast changed. Saturday morning came, and the weather looked perfect up there for Sunday, so I booked my ticket.
I started Saturday with a long run (7 miles) and then spent most of the rest of the day installing a ceiling fan in my oldest daughter's bedroom. If you know me, you know that I'm not handy whatsoever, so this project was a major undertaking. It felt like every step of the way, the number of problems grew exponentially. Time and time again, I felt frustrated, useless and defeated. Through persistence, a ton of sweat, a cut on my finger, and multiple trips to Lowe's, I somehow managed to get this fan installed, and while it doesn't look as pretty as it could, it is wired safely, and it works. That said, I'm never installing another again...ever.
I relaxed after that, listening to a White Stripes record I just got earlier in the week, while playing some Euchre online. Then I watched an episode of The Wire and went to bed early, knowing I wanted to get up to go for a run prior to taking off. (Okay, I guess there was some media consumption, but not the excess that I wanted to avoid)
I didn't sleep well. I was excited about the kayak tour, which was part of the problem, but I think what really kept me up was my imagination. In a half-awake stupor, I kept thinking that insulation was falling from giant cracks next to the ceiling fan, and that the hole I cut grew, expanding into a giant gape, consuming the entirety of my daughter's bedroom.
The alarm went off at 6, and I was tired, but today was my day. I got out of bed, got dressed and ready to run. The plan was to run three miles, but about half a mile from my house, I noticed the sky was rather ominous. The thunder came right at that point, so I turned around and hightailed it home.I had run just enough to work up a sweat, so I took a quick shower (my third in less than 24 hours) and got dressed.
I looked at my phone to check the weather at Starved Rock, and to my dismay, it was not the perfect forecast it had shown the day before. It was scattered thunderstorms straight through to 9:00, when my tour was supposed to start, then was like 50% chance of rain until noon.
Oh well, I was going to chance it, because I had nothing else going on, and I wanted to get away. I browsed Reddit for a bit, then took off to grab some coffee and head on up. As soon as I got my coffee, the rain started. It rained. It poured. It lightninged (I'm not sure "lightning" can be verbified....nor am I sure "verb" can be verbified.) It was so bad out that Marty McFly could've forgotten about syncing the DeLorean with the clock tower and just driven around Central Illinois to get back to 1985.
When I got to Starved Rock around 8:30, it was still storming. The rain had died down, but it was still thundering, and if you know anything about water sports, you know that that's a no go. I texted the owner to see if the tour was cancelled, and she responded that it was under a weather delay.
I sat in my mini-van and listened to some music.
The rain had died down to a drizzle, and I didn't hear any thunder or see any lightning for a while. Even so, at about 9:15, I got a text saying the tour was cancelled, but they had room for a single on the 12:00 tour. I responded that I'd take that, then I left to go hike for a bit.
I had always parked at the main visitor's center the times I had been to Starved Rock before. It was always super packed, with many hikers and tourists. Up by where the kayaks are, there are some smaller parking areas to lead to canyons that would be pretty far hikes from the visitor's center. I parked at one of these and I started hiking to the Kaskaskia Canyon. It was still raining, but it was light enough that it didn't bother me; it's how I imagine rain in the Pacific Northwest to be most of the time.
I took my time walking. I was the only person out there. I used my senses. The bird songs, the light rain on my arms, the mud on my feet, the high sandstone walls surrounding me, even the solitude...it was all so refreshing. In this moment, in this place, I experienced peace. I kept walking, and another sound caught my ear. It was the sound of running water, and I knew I must be nearing a waterfall. As the sound increased, I could tell it wasn't a light trickle; it was gushing!
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| The photo does not do it justice. |
I came upon the most beautiful waterfall I have ever seen. Then I started thinking. I wonder if it would be running like this without the rain. Usually the waterfalls are crowded; I wonder if the rain is keeping people away. I might not have even come here had my tour not gotten cancelled. With all those things combined, I may not have even experienced this.
I stayed a few minutes, took some photos, then headed back to the van to drive to another canyon. Just before I got back to the van though, the thunder started again, so instead of hiking some more, I drove into a nearby town to get some more coffee.
Fast forward to 11:30. The thunder is completely gone; the rain is just a drizzle. I checked in, and the tour was on. They gave me a life preserver (man, everything makes me think of Back to the Future) and told me all I had to do was wait. A group of about 15 folks who had just rented their kayaks boarded and took off before the tour group did. There were probably about 10 of us.
A few minutes after noon, we got in our boats and headed out. It's hard to write about the actual experience, but it was life-giving. We kayaked through a channel, saw bald eagles, looked up sandstone dells, and I even got to kayak under a waterfall. The light rain was nice, and as we went along, the rain stopped entirely. The clouds cleared, and a cool breeze blew the entire trip. I was out there for two and a half hours, but it easily could have been two and a half minutes.
After getting back to land and cleaning up, I headed over to another canyon to hike, this one was a bit busier now that the rain had left, then I went to dinner at a local brewery.
On the drive home, I thought about the day some more, and I thought about my life.
I planned for the weather. I looked in advance to make sure it wasn't supposed to rain, but it didn't work out that way. Such is life. I healed from my divorce before entering another relationship. I readied myself mentally and emotionally, but it didn't work out the way I hoped.
Because of the rain, my tour was delayed. But because of the rain, I got to see that beautiful waterfall, and because of the rain, I went on a kayak tour with perfect weather. There were even times I enjoyed the rain itself. I could've just as easily seen the rain and went home, missing it all.
And like this also, such is life. I look back at being laid off and quarantined; though it was for a bad reason, I enjoyed getting to spend that time with my kids and away from work. I once lost a dream job that I had poured myself into, and at the time, it was devastating, but I look back now, and had I still been there, I never would have met some of my closest friends.
Sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to, or at all for that matter. And sometimes, because of that, great things can happen that never would have otherwise. Sometimes, you see the rain, and keep going anyway, opening up unfathomable possibilities. And while I'm still in kind of a sad and lonely place right now, that gives me some comfort.
