Reflections on Honduras (From the Sublime to the Ridiculous)

The Sublime
As I sat in the dining room of "The Farm", Mercy International's mission base in Yamaranguila, Honduras, on the first morning after setting foot in the country, I was told by Corbett, one of Mercy's leaders, something along the lines of "These people view you as representatives of God."  Though I didn't say it aloud, my response to this was, "I'm hoping to see these people as representatives of God."

To start off with a bit of history, in 1998, Hurricane Mitch flooded large portions of Honduras, forcing several families out of their homes.  One group resettled in an area on the outskirts of La Esperanza and have been living in temporary shacks there ever since.  Honduras is a very poor nation with over 50% of the population living below the poverty line. (Source) This specific area is an example of "the poorest of the poor" in the country.  

Our mission was to go into this neighborhood and build a house for a mother and her daughters who were living in one of these "temporary" shacks.  Additionally, and really more importantly, we were to build relationships with the people in this area.

Now, I'm pretty skeptical of the impact one can have with short-term missions, but there are several staff members with this group that are there year-round, and we, being short-term missionaries, were supporting their long-term mission.

I tried to go into the trip with as few expectations as I could, but in retrospect, I had several expectations that remained unrealized until broken.  While I, generally speaking, disagree with feeling sympathy (or pity), in the back of my mind, I thought I would be fighting those feelings as a result of meeting these people.

To my surprise, I didn't really react with sympathy.  Perhaps I have eradicated that response from my emotional pallet; maybe I didn't get a full grasp of their personal impact from poverty; or it could be my American perspective got in the way.  While the poorest in Honduras are much poorer than the poorest in the US, the gap between our richest and poorest appears much larger than the gap between the richest (at least that I observed) and poorest Hondurans.  I believe this helped keep my feeling of pity in check.

All the same, I did see poverty.  I saw houses made of whatever scraps could be found, that were so dark during the day one could not see inside, emaciated feral dogs running in and out, wood burning stoves running all day with no ventilation, while a mother and her daughters breathe in the smoke and wonder why they have breathing problems.  I saw hungry children, wearing the same clothes each day, their bare feet covered in gunk from the roadside sewage trench, waiting for extras as I finish a second peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I saw a group of adults who have completely given up on their own future; they have no desires, no dreams, only that their children end up in a better situation than them.

 Which brings me to the real reason for my lack of pity.  I saw God at work in Honduras and He is preparing a better future for these children.  Had I been there before Mercy started the work they've been doing, maybe I would have seen the despair more clearly, but as is, I see children who are getting reasonable homes, being given educations (some), getting more opportunity, and most importantly being surrounded by the love of God and the love of others.  I see hope for restoration to this generation of young people, their children, their grandchildren and so forth.  The focus is not solely on providing adequate houses for these people, it's helping them to get in right relationship with God, themselves, their neighbors, and creation.

This photo, taken on our first day, represents the whole trip to me.  There is hope for the future in this area.  Ironically the name of the city is La Esperanza, which is Spanish for "hope".

The Ridiculous
Since we were strongly encouraged to wear legit shoes during this trip, I was unable to get by in my bare feet or my Birkenstocks, so I wore my Vibram Five Fingers.  Apparently nobody in the entire nation of Honduras has seen shoes with slots built in for the toes. When people pointed at my shoes and laughed or looked confused, I said, "zapatos locos," which is Spanish for "crazy shoes".  Almost suddenly, my name became Zapatos Locos.  I would walk down the street and hear, "Hola, Zapatos Locos!"  "Zapatos Locos! Como estas?"  It became my Honduran identity.

My time was split pretty evenly between playing with the kids and physical labor.  I learned from hanging out with the kids that my Spanish is a lot better than I think; I learned from the adults that my Spanish is not nearly as good as I think.  While waiting in line to get dinner at the mission base, Brad, one of my team members pointed to a big bag of dog food in the kitchen.  I wanted to practice my Spanish, so I said, "Comida de los perros," meaning "dog food".  As I was saying this, I saw the smiles on the cooks' faces slowly drop and change to grimaces.  They thought I was talking about the food they worked all afternoon cooking. I quickly used my best broken Spanish to point their attention to the real dog food; this led to a lot of laughter.

While "handy" is one of the last words I would use to define myself, "hard worker" is one of the first I would use.  Even though I tried to be a hard worker, the Hondurans put me to shame.  As the local masons worked to mix concrete, I tried my best to help but I really ended up being more in the way, and I definitely heard the words not directly spoken to me, "Zapatos Locos," "gringo," and "estúpido."

I did get a chance to display my strength, as I broke two tools throughout the course of the week, one, a shovel where the handle snapped in two, and the other, a sledge hammer, where the head flew off, nearly missed a kid, and landed in the sewage ditch.  I was using the sledge hammer to crush rocks for the foundation of a family's house.  It would take several swings before breaking off even a little piece.  Asisclo, a frail 60+ year old man asked to use the hammer, and he crushed them in one hit, completely putting me to shame.

I took this photo on my 4th or 5th break of Asisclo taking his first break.

 To Sum Up
Though I, Zapatos Locos, am somewhat of a Gringo Estúpido, I was able to observe God's kingdom spreading in Honduras.  A displaced, broken people are starting to get glimpses of hope  right outside La Esepranza.  Their hope is in not only their homes and the opportunities that are coming their way, but in the one who is working to set things the way they were created to be.

Nine homes remain to be built for the families in this area, and then Mercy will be able to begin working with them to continue their restoration in other ways, be it training in job skills, setting up reasonable sewage, or any other development; the possibilities are endless.  Thank you to those who supported me and my team financially, those who prayed for us, and those who sacrificed our time away from home.  Please see the links below if you would like to get involved.

Links
Flickr More photos from the trip

Mercy International This is the group that works in Honduras year-round.  In addition to working in the area they call "The Invasion", they work in the mountains with a tribe called the Lencas (the woman in the picture near the top is a Lenca woman.) and they have a school to prepare Honduran children to go on to college called "Hope and a Future".

Imago Dei Church Imago is the church that I attend, whom our team was sent from. If you would like to support people from this body of believers, you can do so through the "Give Online" link; select "Hope & A Future" or call the church to designate the funds for a future trip.  You may also be able to go on future trips with Imago if space permits.

Vibram Five Fingers Get your own pair of crazy shoes or zapatos locos.  (Disclaimer: Bare feet are better than wearing Vibrams.)

Requiem for the Living Dead

The below piece was written for my church's (Imago Dei in Peoria, IL, as referenced in the words) weekly article.  In the Dies Irae section of a requiem mass, some of the lyrics are Pie Jesu domine; dona eis requiem, which translates roughly to King Lord Jesus, grant them peace.  Generally this "peace" is assumed to mean "rest", as a requiem mass is written for the dead.  I took some liberties and considered the translation of "peace" as "Shalom", which is a more encompassing peace than rest.  Shalom is reconciliation, where everything wrong is set to right again.

"Requiem for the Living Dead"

For the Cambodian girl, 12-years-old;

Snatched from her parents, stolen from home

Sold into slavery, beaten and mugged.

Forced prostitution, raped and drugged.

They've taken her innocence, taken her pride.

Taken her dignity, taken her life.

Given her nothing but fear and disease.

King Lord Jesus, grant her peace.

       

For the 10-year-old boy, manufacturing our phones

80-hour work week, for a couple of bones,

Sweat dripping down from his innocent face,

As he burns his fingers and struggles to pick up the pace,

All at the call of a violent master,

Who cracks the whip harder and beats the drum faster.

Just so his family has enough food to eat.

King Lord Jesus, grant him peace.

       

For the alcoholic workaholic suffocating in debt,

Trying to fill the holes in her soul with belongings and success

Rung by rung, as she ascends upon the corporate ladder

Only to discover isolation on her tower

Drinking down her sorrows to cover her afflictions,

She loses her identity to numbness and addiction

It’s the only way she knows to find some kind of release.

King Lord Jesus, grant her peace.

       

For the dehydrated and the drowning, the starving and the gluttons,

For the peace keepers, and for the people with their fingers on the button,

For the death row inmates, those falsely imprisoned and those guilty of their crimes,

For those with the hearts of poets but the voices of mimes,

For those who are thriving and those who are barely surviving, and everyone else in between;

King Lord Jesus, grant them peace.

 

For the Buddhist and the Muslim and the atheist and Jew;

For those awaiting your return and those who do not know you

For those who need your justice, your mercy, or your truth.

For those of us who can't escape the cycle of abuse,

For those who try to walk in light, but stumble in the dark

For your body at Imago, and for your bride at large,

For the helpless, and the hopeless, and for the least of these,

King Lord Jesus, grant us peace.

Drawn & Quartered by Horses Part 2

To read the first part of this blog post:  Click Here

So, what are these passions that are pulling me in differing directions?

As mentioned in this post, one of my newly ignited passions is writing a musical.  I've spent some time conceptualizing the idea for my four-person musical, and it has grown to a place now, where I am very excited about the potential.  I've created four characters and given them each a unique relationship with music as well as with the other characters.  In a way, each of these characters represents a part of me, and each of their relationships represent part of my relationship with Jamie.  These portions of myself and my marriage on many levels are universals, and as such I believe this show will be less plot-driven and more character-driven, with the goal being catharsis.

For Christmas this year, I received a wonderful gift, and prior to my involvement with Godspell, I was spending at least 30-60 minutes daily using this gift.  This gift is one of my other passions pulling me, it's a banjo, and I want to learn to play the banjo.  I've been playing guitar for 19 years now, (my goodness, that's a long time) and I never learned good technique.  As such, my playing is highly limited.  So as I learn the banjo, I am starting over from scratch and focusing on the technique immediately.  The banjo is an instrument that has been experiencing a renaissance in popular music as of late with Sufjan Stevens, The Avett Brothers, and Mumford & Sons.  I am interested in this style, but also interested in the old bluegrass style practically invented by Earl Scruggs.  I would like to spend several hours per week drilling the Scruggs' Three Finger Rolls and getting serious about this instrument.

In addition to wanting to play the banjo and write a musical, I am very interested in continuing writing music in general (outside of the theatrical context).  Though I struggle with lyrics, I can come up with melodies and interesting harmonies fairly well.  I have a lot to say, and hopefully through practice, I will become more skilled at fitting lyrics with my music.  Even so, I was recently tasked with carrying on the leadership of my church band (as our former leader took another job which relocated him out West), and some of the other leaders thought it would be interesting if our band took a focus more to instrumental music, superimposing scripture readings, responsive readings, and prayer.  This fits very well with my writing style, and I can hopefully (along with the rest of my incredibly talented band) create lots of original music for our church.

Speaking of my church, I will be joining them this summer to go on a mission trip to Honduras.  We will be partnering with a group called Mercy International to serve Hondurans who were displaced due to a hurricane (in 1998, and they are still living in "temporary" shacks).  We will be working to build houses and more importantly to build relationships.  This is obviously one of my passions, but the more immediate passion involves this, and that is learning to speak Spanish.  I took three years of Spanish in high school, after which I could only say, "Yo soy la vaca verde," meaning, "I am the green cow."  A couple years back, I started the approach of using listening programs like Pimsleur and Michel Thomas.  I now have some basic language skills.  While I will obviously not be fluent by this summer, I would like to at least be able to hold some basic conversation with people.  (If you would like to support me for this trip, please visit Razoo at this link.)

There's a few other passions that are pulling me, one of which I will be spending more time on and blogging about in the future, which is the fighting of human trafficking.  Also, I want to spend more time with photography (although I am certainly a hobbyist), reading and running, the latter of which I have been able to keep up on somewhat well, and will be dedicating time to this summer, as I train for the Chicago Marathon.  But for now, I am stuck, caring about all of these things and being spread too thin to actually focus on any of them.  I need to make some hard decisions.

Drawn & Quartered by Horses Part 1

Jamie is at a meeting tonight; Afton is in bed, and I'm sitting here on the couch, with the house (relatively) clean, the dishwasher running, and tomorrow's lunch sitting in my white-elephant-gift Chuck Norris lunchbox on the bottom drawer of the refrigerator waiting to be thrown in my bag tomorrow morning, taken to work, and consumed.  My mind bounces from thought to thought through the myriads of passions that I have, trying to decide what to do with the next hour or two to myself.  As I write this blog post, I hold the (probably unrealistic, audacious) goal of reaching some sort of conclusion by the end of my writing; let's see what happens.  My prediction is that Jamie will return prior to my rough draft and first read through, leaving me in the same situation the next time I have time to myself.

I feel as though I'm being pulled in a million different directions; which as I understand, happens to pretty much everybody at some point in their life.  The difference with my predicament, compared to others', however, is that I am being pulled not by responsibilities, external forces or other peoples' requests, but by interests that I have deep passion for.  As I see it, I have one of two choices to make:  1) Devote some attention toward all of my passions, which lets me spend time with all of them, but significantly limits my potential.  2) Devote all the attention toward one or two of my passions, which means I have to completely ignore others.  This is obviously a post-Industrial Revolution, First World problem, yet it's important to me all the same, as I strive to become the Neo-Renaissance Man; and many of these should have a positive impact on others.

"What are these passions?" you ask.

INTERRUPTION:  My prediction was right.  Jamie is on her way home, and there's no way I'll finish this before she gets back.

(I'll talk through these passions in the near future.  Stay tuned!)

(Don't let that sound like I'm disappointed she's on her way back; my passion for my family is much more important than the others I'm trying to decide between.)

Come sing about love!

While I don't want to post about the same thing over and over, I feel a need to follow up to my most recent post on Godspell. We just finished our first weekend, and now have today and tomorrow off. It has been a great run, and I am excited about our 5 remaining performances.  So I want to take this day off and write about 2 things regarding this show.  First, what has been happening with this show, and second, what this show has ignited in me for the future.

I don't know how it happened, but this group of very different people has bonded in a way that I've rarely seen (apart from camp anyway).  Over dinner last night, our director commented on how "tight-knit" this cast has become, and while I agreed with her, it was in this conversation that I realized I really don't know most of the people in this show very well.  Yet I still have that very real sense of bonding and tight-knit community.   

2013 Godspell cast (minus Lisa Jeans who is hiding in the back; photograph from Green Room Photo)

Godspell is a small ensemble show, where pretty much the whole cast is on stage for the whole show, so you don't really get much time to spend backstage socializing.  I replied to our director's comment that I think this cast is close not because we have spent so much time getting to know each other, (because we haven't) but because we have consciously decided to trust each other.  We have let down our guards, made ourselves vulnerable, and accepted each other as we are.  This has led to a great amount of trust that creates a wonderful community and a great show.

This is also one of the most positively affirming groups of people whom I've had the pleasure to work with, and they have left me with a heightened sense of self-confidence.  While I will be happy to have more time with my family and more personal time, I will greatly miss being surrounded by this overwhelmingly uplifting group of people.

The Future
When I ran my marathon, I reached the end and said, "I'm glad I did it, but I have no desire to do it again."  Well, on the ride home, I was already thinking about next time.  (I'm registered for the Chicago Marathon this October; can't wait!!!)  I've had that same experience with this show.  Before we started the run, I thought it was going to likely be  a one-off deal, but now, I am looking toward the future and want to get more involved.

As far as being in shows, I would in a heartbeat audition for Jesus Christ Superstar or Rent.  Although at this point in my life, I would only accept certain roles (Judas or Mark or Roger; probably not good enough to be Jesus) .  I will also likely put my name out there to play in the pit for shows, as a) it's like a 2-3 week commitment, and b) you get paid for it.  What I'd really like to do though, is try my hand at directing music, and potentially some day learn to direct the whole show.  I think since I'm so critical of theatre, I would bring a fairly fresh perspective and do some new things.

I would be excited for any of those opportunities, but what I'm most excited about is that I'm revisiting the idea of writing my own show.  When I was in high school, I was working to write a rock opera, but it never really came to fruition.  Now, I have four fairly solid ideas for shows that I plan to begin writing (one at a time) when Godspell is finished.  While I don't want to give away plot points, the basic ideas are below:

1. A 4-person cast musical about musicians, where all music is "source music" (which in this case will be played by the musicians because they're musicians, as opposed to incidental music, which is more like a film score or a musical where people just sporadically burst into song)
2. A rock opera based on a classic novel (true opera genre, arias, recitative, etc. only utilizing rock music)
3. An experimental 3-act play (non-musical) about war
4. A complete farce inspired by Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (and I mean inspired by, not based on)

 My hope would be over the next year or two to have the first show in a state where I can have a first draft of a script, score, and demo recording.  The goal would be to get these shows produced locally.  I have been creating some premises and outlines for the first show and will likely begin a synopsis in the next few weeks.

Links
As of the writing of this post, you still have 5 chances to see Godspell.  Please see the following links.
For ticket information
Our review from the Central Illinois Live Theatre League
Interview on a local news show
Photos from Green Room Photo

Well you may be a lover, but you ain't no dancer

Throughout much of my high school and community college career, I was heavily involved in musical theatre (In case you're wondering, I spell the building "theater" and the art form "theatre", though these spellings are interchangeable) and I've spent many hours of my life whiling away the time between company or chorus appearances in a variety of "green rooms".  From Gilbert & Sullivan to Andrew Lloyd Weber to The Who, my performances have run the stylistic gamut.  While I have never had a leading role, I have played some principal characters, namely Schroeder in You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, Marcellus in The Music Man, and the soloist for "We Beseech Thee" in Godspell.

Me as Schroeder in Eureka College's You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

For a span of about 5 or 6 years, musical theatre was my life.  Upon graduating high school, my dream was to go to college to learn how to write musicals.  I even contemplated majoring in musical theatre, until I heard of the "triple threat"; singing, acting, and dancing (one that I'm mediocre at, one that I'm inexperienced with, and one that I'm terrible at, respectively).

Every summer from my Sophomore year in high school through my Sophomore year in college was dedicated to the stage. Then I started working at summer camp, and my summer's passion was shifted in a much different direction.  This shift, over the years, spread into the music I listened to as well, and eventually, I came to the sad realization that musical theatre is hokey.  With few rare exceptions, I lost interest in the genre; even most of the shows that I consider to be better examples, I find schlocky; Rent, Chess, Phantom of the Opera (and don't get me started with Cats).

While it was the music that initially drew me in to musical theatre, it was the lyrics and the cheesy dialog that turned me off.   I think there are still some great shows out there.  Jesus Christ Superstar, for example, which just has an exceptional score and started as a concept album, not a musical; Pippin, which breaks down the fourth wall, and is in a way a parody of musical theatre, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which is about musicians.

2002 Cast of Peoria Players Youth Production of Godspell (That's me with the guitar)

While I am not really into musical theatre any more, after a ten year hiatus from the stage, I am rehearsing for a production of Godspell, which is a re-telling of the parables from the book of Matthew.  Godspell is performed by a small ensemble cast, where each parable is acted out as a mini-play.  I found out several months ago that the show was being directed by the same director I was under when I did a youth production of the show in 2002 and music directed by someone I went to college with.  For months I thought about auditioning, because it was such a good experience, when I was in college.  When it came to the week before auditions, I still wasn't sure, but my wife encouraged me to go for it, knowing it would be a pretty big time commitment.

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty rusty after the ten years since my last audition, so I wasn't super confident about being cast in the show.  For my audition, I sang (and accompanied myself on guitar) "Leave" by Glen Hansard from the film Once, that has been recently made into a musical, so it fit with the unwritten rule of singing show tunes for auditions.  After everyone sang, we learned a dance number and performed it as a group.  Let me rephrase that, everyone else learned a dance number, while I pretended to have learned it and just kind of moved around in the back line.  (I am a terrible dancer.)  Finally, we took some time to read from the script, in which we were encouraged to do one of my specialties...use voices.

Knowing that I'm as good at dancing as the Cubs are at winning the World Series (as a Cubs fan, I can make that joke), I still left the audition feeling fairly confident, as the last time I did this show, my ability to play musical instruments was utilized during many of the dance numbers.  So about 24 hours later, I was notified that I was requested for a callback audition.  Callbacks are when the directors bring you back in for a second audition to have another look at you and have you try some more readings and songs from the show to see if you fit what they're looking for.

Many incredibly talented people were at the callback audition, so afterward I left not feeling nearly as confident as I had the night of my first audition.  Later on, however, I found out that I had been cast in the show.  And not only had I been cast, but I am essentially playing the same part that I did when I performed the show in college (really, I play myself, but I have the same solo that I did in college).  This means that I have not worsened with age.  At the very worst, I have remained stagnant!

We have been rehearsing for about 6 weeks now, and we have a very talented cast with some beautiful voices, some great dancers, and some really funny actors.  I've realized some things about myself in the process. While I probably have the best overall understanding of music, music theory, chord structure, and even sight reading, I also probably have the weakest voice.  This is like having the words of a poet with the voice of a mime; it can be very disheartening.  I was thinking that after my weight loss and my new-found athleticism with running, I might be able to be a better dancer than I was when I was younger...nope, I'm still a terrible dancer.  As far as acting goes, it's still too early in the process to be able to tell where I stand; I would like to try a serious play (non-musical) someday.

I've also found that doing this show is taking a ton of time.  With rehearsals (at least) 5 nights a week, I am spending more time on this play than I did for the entirety of marathon training.  I miss spending that time with my wife and daughter, and I also miss dedicating time to my music.  While I enjoy this show quite a bit, it is a big time commitment, and I will likely be very selective should I do more shows in the future.  Despite the amount of time it takes, however, it is a great experience, and I'm glad I decided to audition and can't wait to go into production.

If you would like to see the show, it runs March 15 through March 24, 2013, with tickets going on sale March 4.  More information can be found at Peoria Players Theatre.


Side story regarding my dance skills:
We were learning the choreography for a new dance last night, and I was standing in the front row.  As the director/choreographer walked past me organizing the people in the front, she said, "You know better, move on back."  So I walked back to the second row.  Then as she passed me there, she said, "Uh-uh, back row."  I couldn't help but laugh, and neither could those who heard.  I have no shame in being a bad dancer; in fact, I think it's kind of funny.

The Great Brewmaster's Kingdom

It was about a year ago now that I brewed my first batch of beer.  For Christmas, I had received a home brewing supply kit, and I spent a few weeks reading about the brewing process and contemplating what I wanted to start with.  Then on a bitterly frigid January Sunday, I spent a couple hours outside, making my first batch of American style pale ale over an outdoor propane grill.

 

 

 

After the couple hour process of boiling water, steeping grains, and adding the right mixture of hops at the right time, I cooled my brew (which is called wort in this stage) and pitched (added) the yeast.  This is the moment where fermentation begins, and the wort begins its transformation to beer.  The yeast takes the sugar from the grains and changes it into alcohol and CO2; this process takes several days.  After fermentation is complete, you let your beer age to improve the clarity and the flavor. It then ages longer when you bottle it.

 

Though the winemaking process is a bit different than the beer brewing process, they share several of the same steps, including fermentation and aging for taste.  When Jesus performed his first miracle, changing water into wine at a wedding banquet, he was able to take a process that takes several weeks and perform it instantly.  Not only did he change the water into wine, but he changed water into “the choice wine”. It was so good that the banquet master said to the groom, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”  

 

Jesus’ first miracle may seem to hold less importance than some of his later ones, but essentially they’re all the same.  Jesus transforms one thing into another.  He transforms water into wine, sickness into health, blindness into sight, possession into freedom, death into life.  And he is still doing this today as he transforms doubt into faith, fear into empathy, hate into love, and sin into shalom. But like fermentation, this is taking time.  When the Great Brewmaster’s kingdom comes to earth in fullness, all the transformations will be complete, and we will say as the master of the banquet did, “You have saved the best ‘til now.”